March 9th

She turned me into a newt!

A newt?

... I got better.

Kate and I went for a walk to and through the Nature Park near our apartment today. It was my way of distracting her from being so grumpy, something she has taken quite a liking to this week. She did well for most of it, talked to the trees, looked up at the sky. I wonder what she is thinking as we go on our walks. What she thinks of the sky, something infinitely bigger than herself. As she leaned out from under the canopy designed to keep her from the rain (thus defeating the purpose) All she would do was look at the sky. Occasionally she would watch the cars go by, each car held her attention for as long as she could watch it or until another passed, whichever came first.
I don't know if I would like to look at everything from Kate's perspective. It would require me to admit that I don't know everything, I don't know how everything works and there are things infinitely bigger than myself, created by someone much bigger than myself. i.e.: I'm not in control.

I had a good conversation with my smokin' hot wife (Amen!) tonight about listening to God. I told her that God has given me the gift of discernment in hearing His voice (as well as discerning other things). She told me that I need to use that gift more, or at least not internalize it. I made mention to the fact that I don't feel like I can. That I constantly feel like people automatically deduct points from me because of my age, my knowledge my... That shouldn't be an excuse though. I shouldn't let what's happened to me while I grew up (as well as what has happened as a grown up) determine my voicing the gifts God has given me.

Just some things I've learned today. The second one is more difficult to grasp than the first, oddly enough.