Class of a Different Class

Well, another milestone is looming upon me these days: my 10 year high school reunion. In regards to age and its continual onset, this is a minor reminder. In regards to thoughts and feelings of the past, it is difficult.

You see, I am faced with three realities in regards to my time roaming the halls as a Chief. On the one hand I see my friends, youth group and Upper Goose Lake. On the other I see the pain and humiliation which also defines these years, with the authors who don't fully know their roles (or maybe they do and are therefore sadistic, if even mildly) they played. Then on the one foot (left and keeping my incisors company perhaps?) I see how I was an author of such pain, humiliation and general annoyance to the masses.

These realities bring me to some conclusions. In regards to the friends who were co-conspirators in worship, TP and harmless fun; I realize I miss them and our time spent with fewer cares. Be it the crane over the canal at Fode Farm, "Little Truck" races and rivalries with el Guapo or a youth group version of the drinking games Jeremy knew before his radical encounter with Christ, they were great times. And as I look back on them now, the petty rivalries and the subtle differences which enveloped the views of our microscopes seem trivial and essential as they formed us.

Upon examination, it is apparent that the reality of the pain and humiliation has continued to burden the dialogue running between my ears these ten years. I am not seeking to delve into a "poor me" sort of message with this, but I do seek to honestly state how the laughs, the rumors and blatant words accosting me as a person shaped and shape me. I can think of a few relationships in college that were sabotaged (at least in part) through my perceptions and experiences. What I take from them is a deep sense of paranoia and no desire to see many of the authors... at least not in the near future.

The last reality I have only recently faced has been my own behavior. To put it mildly, I believe I was an ass to many. In my quest for the elusive "popular" title, I proved unkind to some of the very friends I needed. To those who had that title (looking back now, I see the title in the same light as unicorn-turtles, flying carpets and political reform), I was at the very least annoying, at most biting, manipulative and rude. When I am faced with this reality, I take joy in the work God has done in me and seek forgiveness.

When I take into account these three realities and think of my reunion, I think of another element: my shame. You see, God has been doing a mighty work in me over the last number of months. For as long as I could remember, I have had the goal of youth ministry. I have known this was what God has called me to and I have pursued this as not only a calling, but a vocation. Obviously, the vocational aspect has changed, leaving me in a job that will provide neither esteem nor riches. With this, I find myself avoiding questionnaire soliciting information on my whereabouts, occupation and position in life. This is where God has been shaping me and reminding me that my identity is not in what I do or what I drive (though, my truck is pretty awesome with its CB and AM radio). It isn't even enveloped in something that no one else from my class has: my Smokin' Hot Wife, my beautiful Sweet P and my Little Man. No, my identity is in Christ, my success is in His eyes and my worth will not be known until Glory.

All of this rambling makes me stop and think. Makes me wonder what the festivities might look like and if I should attend. When I boil it down, I know I don't want to, which is a direct result of the second reality I face. Each of these realities might be addressed via the modern phenomena of Facebook, this is what sparked these thoughts and feelings in the first place (through the reunion group and random "friending" by people from the second and third realities). It might work.