Monday, July 20, 2015

How to Help

Yesterday, Becky and I were talking about how people can help us. We talked about how difficult it is for us to be the ones asking for help, not the ones helping. We see our friends and family go through difficult times and we see how so many reach out to them, and even try to reach out ourselves, but we don't know how to ask for or accept help. I interacted with a couple of people regarding this topic last week and was reminded that by not allowing others to help, we are not allowing the Body of Christ to act as such.

Still, the problem remains that Becky and I would much rather loan our truck, mow a lawn or pack boxes than ask for help, not because of pride but because we are more comfortable serving than being served. For me, this is because I know I can mow my lawn, even though I haven't and this will be a busy week, so my asking someone else to do what I already should do is a challenge.

I also fear taking advantage of people and utilizing help now when we are simply going through emotional turmoil as opposed to later on, when life might be even more difficult. Scleroderma is a crappy disease and as we falter back and forth in accepting it as a part of Kate's and our lives, we know that it might eventually affect so much more than our emotions, it will be at those times when we will really need help.

We are also both introverted people, which makes us awkward dinner guests and people who simply do not know how to "put ourselves out there" in requesting help. The people who really have gotten to know us are those who have almost had to break into our lives, forcing us to become their friends, and we are very thankful for this. So, those who want to help need to break into our lives as well. We are often too scared or nervous to ask for anything, so we simply won't.

Saying all of this though, I have decided to create a short list of the status of our life and if you feel the need to help us, please break into our lives to do so.

  1. We need prayer. It is easy to try not to think and easier to avoid accepting this diagnosis, it is not easy to put our trust and faith in God, to be present with each other and the Chillins.
  2. I haven't mowed the lawn in two weeks.
  3. The Chillins are gone until next Tuesday at grandparents' houses, but afterwards, they could use excursions and friends and I could use some time to work.
  4. We know cooking "Real Food" is a hassle, so preparing meals is not easy but could help.
  5. We have children and our house shows it.
  6. We don't fully know how to grieve and not scare Kate (she still only know part of what is going on, she doesn't need all of the stress of what might happen) and need wisdom in helping her process.
  7. We need the Body of Christ. Right now we need to grieve, we do not need to be told how much worse this can be, how God has a plan or anything. I don't think Becky really has it in her to try and talk much about Kate at all. We are scared and feel very alone with no idea how to remedy this. 
It is very difficult for me to even write these things down, especially knowing all that people did for us after our car accident last month (Summer 2015 officially stinks). Thank you for your love and support though.
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